Never before have I had to make a decision that has hurt so much. There’s pain in making a hard decision. There’s more pain than you might guess there is. Missing someone hurts. Forgiving someone hurts. Moving on hurts. But I think above all, having to make a hard decision is where the most painful emotions lie.
And what adds to the hurt even more, is hearing other people’s opinions. Hearing them sways you to one side or the other. It leads you down this rabbit hole of confusion. And eventually you start getting confused about which feelings and emotions are truly yours and which are just projections of other people’s opinions shining through you.
That’s why sometimes you just need to sit there with your own thoughts. Shut yourself out from the rest of the world and ask yourself what it truly is that you need to do to be happy.
As someone who gets her energy from other people, this was incredibly hard for me. It’s hard not to talk it through with other people. I often rely on others to fuel my happiness. It’s something every extreme extrovert might struggle with. I think that’s why it has been so hard to make the decision – I care so much, too much, about how my decision affects those who surround me. So much that I’ve second-guessed my decision over and over again.
I’m scared, so scared about following through with the decision I’ve made. But at the end of the day I can’t worry about how anyone is going to perceive me when I follow through with my decision. Frankly, it’s none of my business what anyone thinks of me or the next move I make. I have to look out for myself.
Often when we make decisions we become sad because we focus on what we are losing instead of what we are gaining. And it’s really hard not to think that way. Sometimes a decision you make seems so wrong when you look at the short-term consequences. But you have to remember to look at the big picture. If life is all about what happens to you and how you respond, then I need to respond with as much resilience as possible. I need to see the big picture and make the decision for myself.
Making a decision is going to bring me peace of mind. There’s strength in making a decision. Once it’s been made, a lot of pain is extinguished.
M.R.S. 