I think, for a long time, I got lost in someone else. When you let someone become your entire world, it feels like your world has ended when they leave it. I’m not going to let that happen to me anymore. Because I don’t want someone to become my world. Instead, I want to share my world with someone…someday.
But to do that..I need to remember what my world was like when I was alone. I need to work on loving myself. I need to remember what brings me joy and I have to go do those things. I need to surround myself with people who build me up, not tear me down.
At the beginning of this year I promised myself that I’d focus all my energy into myself. I made your typical resolutions..you know the ones: eat healthier, work out more, read more, write more, get more sleep, be better with money, learn more about the advertising industry. But those resolutions really amount to three big goals I have for 2016:
- Learn how to be alone, but not lonely.
- Change the things I don’t love about myself.
- Let what’s supposed to happen, happen.
Learn how to be alone but not lonely.
This one has been going surprisingly well. Seriously, I’m incredibly surprised. For four years I relied on someone else for almost all my happiness. Which wasn’t fair at all…to me or to him. Before that, I had my parents to guide me every single day. But I’m living on my own, in a new city. And it’s strange because I’ve been finding peace in taking time to simply be with myself. I’m working on enjoying silence. I’m working on not feeling guilty about just taking some “me time”.
Change the things I don’t love about myself.
(My body) The body positive movement is an incredible journey I have taken. But that doesn’t mean I should be complacent. Truth be told, I am overweight and I am very unhappy that I am overweight. I have identified that one of the major things that makes me happy is when I feel that my body is at its best. Though I am working on loving how God created my body, I am also working on making it the best version God intended for it to be. I’m showing it some love by not criticizing it while I push it to become its best.
(My faith) I was born and raised Catholic. During college though, I kind of lost sight of how important my relationship with God was. I didn’t go to church. I didn’t take time out of my day to pray. Admittedly, I swept God under the rug a bit. Put my relationship with him on pause. Last week I became a parish member of St. Raphael’s and I could not be happier to be back in God’s house. There have been times along the road where I have questioned my faith, where I have questioned the Catholic religion. But in times of darkness, turning your life to God is one of the best things you can do for yourself.
(My sense of adventure) It’s a little unfair of me to want to find someone who is incredibly adventurous because even though I like to say I’m adventurous, I’m not sure I really am. I want to plan a trip in 2016. I’ve never really put money into traveling but it’s something I’d really love to do. I don’t mean just traveling either though. I also mean just gaining a sense of curiosity. I want to walk into places I’ve never been in. I want to explore. I want to push myself out of my comfort zone and try new things. I think another thing that comes with being adventurous is simply doing things you love and finding adventure through those things. For me, it’s taking photos in a new city, or traveling with my friends to play in a tennis tournament, or getting lost in writing words. I’m done coming home after work and watching Netflix and wasting my day away. What you do every day matters more than what you do once in a while. Hobbies and adventures are now my every day and Netflix has become my once in a while.
Let what’s supposed to happen, happen.
Anyone who knows me well knows that I have always, and will always, believe that everything happens for a reason. People come into your life for specific reasons. You end up in different places for different reasons. Almost nothing is circumstance. Fate exists. For awhile, in my dark months, as I’ve coined them, I stopped believing in fate. But the reason for my lack of belief in fate was because the person who made me believe in it most left my life. What I didn’t even stop to think about was that fate never stopped existing. Fate brought him into my life and fate took him out. I don’t plan on actively searching for anyone to be in a relationship with anytime soon. I plan on letting fate run its course. So I’m going to let what’s supposed to happen, happen. That applies to many realms of my life: love, my career, friendships…what will be will be. The #1 person I’d like to fall in love with this year is me. Mumford sang it best:
“Where you invest your love, you invest your life.”
With that logic it seems falling in love with myself will allow me to fall in love with my life. Cheers to that.