It’s funny how a song can take you back to such a distinct moment from your past. Today this happened with “Odesza Say My Name feat. Zyra”. What’s interesting about this particular song is that, at its surface, it has absolutely no significance in my life. Even examining the lyrics, there’s really not much that resonates with me or has significance to that moment.
I wanna go
So what’d you say
When you gonna let me know
If you give a damn about me
‘Cause you got my hands tied
In my defense
I always fall for confidence
And your compliments look good on me
Cause nobody knows it better
than the girl in the corner with the scarlet letter
And while you’re watching you may think that she doesn’t matter
But no one knows you better
Regardless, the song takes me back to a moment. It’s so clear. It’s so strange how clear it is – crystal. I’m in my old place on Lincoln in Oshkosh. It’s one of the first Saturdays living there. All my blinds are wide open because it’s one of those rare days in January where the sun is shining and the snow is sparkling. Music is blasting while I’m making breakfast. There’s so much hope for this new chapter in my life. Yet there’s still a sinking feeling of anxiety and fear of the unknown. Yet, there’s a sense of resilience I remember having that day. Nothing all that significant really happened so I’m not sure how I remember it so well. But here we are.
This song doesn’t just bring me back to that moment though. It brings me back to an entire chapter in my life – though the chapter was pretty brief – maybe I should refer to it as an interlude instead.
Simply put, this song is somehow (by the magic of music) a reminder of my place on Lincoln. And my place on Lincoln represents so much..
I was subletting the house on Lincoln after moving to Oshkosh from Minnesota. I didn’t want to sign a lease until I had the opportunity to weigh my options throughout the city so I blindly signed as a sublet there. I’d be staying there for six months until I figured out my next move.
That Lincoln house was a shithole. It was your typical college house. Four guys lived upstairs but for the most part I was there by myself. It was the first place I was TRULY on my own. I was completely on my own in a new city and had newly recovered from a breakup and a round of geographical transitions. I came home every day after work to a quiet, dark place. It was weird. Being alone was territory I hadn’t quite learned how to maneuver yet.
But the Lincoln House represents a huge period of growth for me. It reminds me of so many lessons I learned while living there.
The Lincoln House reminds me that I am resilient. It reminds me that I was able to bounce back. For those of you that don’t know my story, I moved from Appleton, WI back home to MN in November 2015 to work remotely for my company during a time of hardship. Two short months later, I gave myself a second chance, picked up my life and moved back to Oshkosh this time. I was able to face the city that reminded me of heartache in order to further my career.
The Lincoln House reminds me that I prefer to be around people over being alone. There were countless times that I became lonely in that house. It was super tough for me. But I know and recognize that I will always get my energy from being around others.
The Lincoln House reminds me that it’s okay to give yourself second chances. It is always okay to live your life for YOU. I learned this through all the choices I made last year. People will weigh in on your life and your decisions (warranted or not) but at the end of the day you get to control your life. I got to rewrite my story. Make choices for YOU. Make a choice because your heart wants it. Make a choice because your heart changes your mind. Make a choice because it’s all you ever wanted. Make a choice because you’re not sure it’s what you want anymore.
The Lincoln House reminds me that there are ups and downs – happiness and depression. I will be the first to admit that I struggled with my living situation. I experienced a bit of depression while I lived there. I was very alone for the first time in years and that took a toll on me. But I found help and made my way out of it by doing things that fed my spirit.
Finally, The Lincoln House reminds me of new beginnings. From new friends, to new situations, that house will always be a reminder of a completely new chapter of my life. Further though, it reminds me to always keep my heart and mind open to those new situations and new people. Let your walls down a little and stop being so afraid of the unknown.
I was getting antsy toward the end of living on Lincoln, especially after the guys upstairs moved out. I was impatient and lonely. When it was time to leave that house I locked the door and promised to never look back. I live in a wonderful apartment now with one of my best friends and it’s yet another new beginning for me. Funny though how the song brought me right back into that house. I swore I’d never be back there.
I’m not sure why the song reminded me of that Saturday but I’m happy it did. It’s so wild that a simple song can take you back to a memory, causing you to reflect on an entire period in your life.
I think I’ll call it deja vu by song. And I hope it happens again sometime.
M.R.S. 